High conflict divorce v post-separation abuse?
“High conflict” is a familiar term within the family law sector and commonly used to describe cases involving persistent and acrimonious disputes between separating or divorcing couples following the breakdown of a relationship. It appears to be that matters characterised as “high conflict” cases on the surface may, in fact, be being misinterpreted and in reality cases involving abusive behaviour, specifically, coercive and controlling behaviour, may be continuing post-separation.
Our understanding of domestic abuse has developed significantly over the past few decades with considerable emphasis being very much focused on actual bodily harm. It is now, however, understood that domestic abuse encompasses a broader range of behaviours that are as equally damaging as physical violence, if not more so.
Often, high conflict cases are not high conflict at all. It is a pattern of abuse following a separation and this dynamic can be misinterpreted and is typically a result of either trauma, a power imbalance, coercive and controlling behaviour or post-separation abuse.
What does post-separation abuse look like in practice?
If you are trying to arrange finances or deal with child arrangements with an abusive ex-partner, here are just a few examples of how coercive or controlling behaviour can be exhibited in legal matters which include but are not limited to:-
- ongoing email exchanges
- last minute applications
- failed mediation attempts
- prolonged disputes
- parents having difficulties in making agreements for their children
- withholding funds
- hiding assets
- delaying
- bullying and breaching court orders
What is the difference between high conflict divorce or post-separation abuse?
The difference between high conflict divorce and post-separation abuse requires a closer look at the underlying dynamics of the relationship, particularly issues of power, control and pattern.
In cases of high conflict, usually parties are typically operating on relatively equal footing. They may argue frequently, communicate poorly and struggle to resolve disputes. In contrast, cases involving domestic abuse are defined by an imbalance of power whereby the abuser seeks to control, intimidate, or undermine the other, while the other adapts their behaviour in response to the abuser. This can be exhibited as the victim-survivor avoiding or reacting emotionally.
When we fail to distinguish between high conflict cases or post-separation abuse, we risk misunderstanding survivors and can place survivors and children at further risk.
How do you know if you are being coerced and controlled in a relationship?
The signs of a coercive partner can be identified from the many ways they exert control over their partner such as: physical assault; threats of harm or punishment; controlling or monitoring communication with your family and friends; isolating you from your family and friends; manipulation; withholding money; controlling how money is spent; building up debt in your name; telling you what to wear or how to look; enforcing rules; threats to share or publish private information; preventing you from working; depriving you of support or medical services.
Why does conversation matter?
Understanding the difference between post-separation abuse and high conflict divorce is essential as many survivors may be unfairly characterised as difficult or uncooperative and their responses, which are often shaped by fear or trauma can be misunderstood and the seriousness of their situation minimised.
Sometimes the underlying dynamic of those suffering from abuse can be, sadly, misinterpreted by others and can put victim-survivors and children at further risk following separation.
Contact us
Get in touch with one of our domestic abuse specialists to arrange your free 30-minute initial consultation to get the advice you need.